“I tell you the truth, whoever hears My word and believes Him who sent Me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life.”-John 5:24
I have a pair of earrings. Nothing fancy; some inexpensive costume jewelry which I fondly enjoy wearing. In the past month, I have twice “temporarily displaced” one of the earrings while wearing them. It should have been lost and not ever found, but it has made its way back to my ear both times. I would notice I was missing the earring and look around but did not find it. I would be a little sad at the loss (I really like the earrings!) and then bam! It would turn up much later on the floor somewhere else unexpectedly. I told the story to my husband, Randy, and he said, “Now there is your next blog!” Little did we know…
This week will be the sixteenth anniversary of the loss of my first husband, Scott. About this time every year, the shadow starts creeping in. I don’t initially recognize what is going on but I start feeling “off”. Then the sadness, anger, and pity will fill my head and heart. Followed by the doubt and anguish of why I feel this way and who am I to try and be upbeat and positive all the time. I feel like an imposter who says she wants to help others but is too consumed with herself right now to care for anybody else. I start feeling like I have “temporarily displaced” my hope and faith and have given up. Thank you, God, for it is only temporary.
I have to remind myself of all the love and grace which He has provided for the last sixteen years:
The wonderful family and friends who have lifted up and supported me when I couldn’t do it for myself.
Three beautiful children who are growing up and revealing to me what they have inherited from their father; his looks, mannerisms, humor, and love for others.
A second chance at love and life with an extremely supportive and gracious husband, Randy.
The ability to grow closer to God during this grief journey and recognizing His love and plans for me.
Discovering my purpose and taking the step of faith needed to prepare for the adventure.
Being still and knowing He is God.
When depression, anger, hurt, and even jealousy enter my thoughts and actions, I feel displaced. I have to re-center my direction and the best course for me is prayer, reading scripture, and journaling. Psalm 34:17-18 reads, “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them: he delivers them from all their troubles. The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I am righteous because of Him and He hears and comforts me during these dark times. It is not an easy fix, but a process which ultimately makes me stronger and reminds me I am blessed because I am His child.
I am not afforded the promise this current life would be fair or easy. When I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I have assured the promise of an eternal life with Him. I share this part of my reality not to ask for pity but in hopes to reach out to others who may feel the same way. This is real and it is hard, but I am not alone and neither are you. Please say a prayer for me during this brief difficult time and let me know if I can pray for you.
I am “temporarily displaced” living here on earth right now. But like my earring, someday I will find the way to my permanent home with my Father and it will be a joyful reunion. Blessings.