When I Gave Up My Daughter

File May 03, 7 19 23 PM

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. “-Psalm 127:3-4

I will be celebrating my twenty-sixth Mother’s Day this year.   In my younger years when I was asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” my response was to be married and be a momma! It was my vision and dream.  I was blessed with my first and only girl, Taryn, in January 1990.  She was a daddy’s girl from the get go.  Needless to say, when he suddenly died in 2001, it was devastating for all three of my children.  Taryn retreated to a dark and empty abyss and her climb out of the hole was brutal on all of us.

I started witnessing behavior issues and did everything I could to “fix” her.  We saw counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and doctors.  She was evaluated for disorders and learning disabilities.  She built this huge wall around her and would not let anyone into her painful world.  As time marched on, there was disobedience, drugs, drinking, and even running away for five weeks.  As her mom, I kept trying to figure out what I had done wrong.  Was it something I said or something I did or did not do?   The guilt and the shame weighed me down and I was drowning in my own grief- again.  This time over my child who I could not reach, heal, or understand her behavior.

Thank God for my husband Randy who reached out to experts to find out what we could do to save Taryn from her destructive actions.  It was decided to send her to an eight-week wilderness therapy camp.  It is like something you would see on a reality TV- two undercover police escorts came at 4AM and woke her up, handcuffed her, and walked her out to the front door.  I was ordered to stay in my bedroom with the door shut.  I rocked myself back and forth crying out to God to save my little girl.  In this moment I realized, I had to give her up to Him.  His will would be done.

  • Turning over control- My first major hurdle was the realization I could not fix Taryn and God was the one in control. It did not matter how many people we consulted to find an explanation as to why she was acting out.  Taryn later revealed to us she blamed herself for her father’s death.  She was eleven at the time and her dad had sent her to her room for misbehaving at dinner.  She remembers stomping up the stairs and wishing he would go away.  He left later in the evening to play in a soccer game, where he collapsed on the field and died.  She carried this burden on herself and told no one for six years.
  • Turning over anger- Not all issues were resolved overnight. Even after the therapy program, Taryn continued to slip back into her old habits and wound up pregnant at seventeen.  She gave birth to a baby boy after her eighteenth birthday and gave him up for adoption.  It was the best decision for both her and the baby as she continued to heal and work on herself.  This was a huge disappointment for me and I had to come to a place of forgiveness and letting go of the anger.
  • Turning over pain- Today, Taryn is twenty-six years old, married with two beautiful daughters (my grandbabies!). She graduated high school and completed her Associates as a medical assistant.  She works extremely hard for her family and plans on going back to school this year to complete her registered nursing degree.  I am bursting with pride as she has risen above her anger, hurt, and grief.  I have had to forgive her for all the hateful comments, actions, and pain she has created for herself and our family.  I am so thankful to God for walking with and bringing us through these circumstances and strengthening our bond as a mother and daughter.

I am amazed at how God guided and directed me these last twenty-six years as a mother.  I know I am not perfect, but I am so blessed to call myself the mother of these three beautiful children.  I look forward to seeing how they grow up and parent my grandchildren and I pray they enjoy and cherish all the moments.  It is said children are a gift from God.  Thank you, Lord, for picking me to be the one and only mother to these three children.  I love you Taryn, Hunter, and Braeden!!!

18 thoughts on “When I Gave Up My Daughter

  1. My goodness, this post has the tears streaming!! What a beautiful story of God’s redemption and faithfulness, and your enduring, persevering love as a mother! I love the way you write–so honestly and beautifully from your heart. Thank you for sharing, and enjoy your Mother’s Day!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Even though your dad and I lived through this with you we were not living that close to see you on a daily basis and as I read this and relive it I still cry. I still marvel how God has gotten you and your family and all of us through the most grieving parts of our lives and has drawn us closer as a family. Randy is right, you are very good at this writing thing. Remember when I told you that you and I could write our feelings better than we could speak them. I have always thought it was a God thing. Love your so much Kels, my German baby.

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  3. Kelsey,
    The more I read your blog, the more I stand in awe of your story and how God has redeemed the painful places in you life. You give Him glory so beautifully and with such courage. There are so many times I read your words and I want to reach through the computer screen and give you a great big hug! You are a blessing, indeed! I know the words you’ve written here will speak hope to many! Blessings to you, sweet sister.

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  4. I am filled with tears, sobbing. This looks like my brother. Except, we are still praying and hoping mom will give him to God, but she hasn’t yet. He’s almost 30. You are an amazing mom. You are inspirational and that doesn’t cover it. God bless your heart for him, my Texas sista. I admire you so very much. And your daughter? WOW. Hallelujah. I’m so proud of her too. Get it girl! What a blessing you are and I’m so glad you told this story. This is a book. Love you and I hope you had a purpose filled Mother’s Day as did she, my sweet friend. God is good!! xoxoxo

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  5. Kelsey!!! Tears came to my eyes as I read this! It is amazing the grace that God gives us for overcoming hurts- especially as they pertain to our children. I love your daughter’s story of redemption. What a beautiful thing to see God work so mightily in her life!! Blessed to be your neighbor at Open Mic Monday!

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  6. I love this so much! What a powerful testimony — and it encourages me to have faith in the plan God has for my children’s lives. My daughter is only 8 — but she is my strong-willed child for certain! She’s been a spitfire from the moment she was born – no exaggeration. So on days (sometimes weeks) when I’m struggling with her behavior issues … it’s hard not to find myself worrying what the teenage years will be like … or that she’ll go down a wayward path I can’t rescue her from. But I know God has made her feisty and strong-willed and, in all honestly, just like me for a reason! I only need to try and be the BEST mom I can be to her – and to guide her the BEST I can to Jesus. She decided to be baptized earlier this year. There’s no AMEN greater than that! I know that Jesus will never leave my children – and that He will pursue them relentlessly! Praise God! And Praise God for your daughter’s transformation and healing!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Oh My Heartsie Girls Wonderful Wednesday | Oh My Heartsie Girl

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